the week begins

in york, pa

so maybe i really romanticized what a week with grandma really would be like. i think she's happy that I'm here. but so far, i know she's still really depressed about my uncle's death – just like she's' been since march. even obsessively so. she has a real knack for being able to link pretty much anything i say back to it. and she is certainly dwelling on the what ifs.

well, there's not much point to that. unfortunately, the man is dead. nothing, not wishing, not hoping, not what-ifing will bring him back. it's sad, but true. and the worst part of it is she has had really nothing else to think about since march. nothing really has distracted her from it, not seeing friends, family, phone calls, nothing.

and here i am. crampy/bloated/feeling rotten. spending a week of hard-earned vacation with her. not exactly the most ideal situation given my physical circumstances, but i'll get through it.

i'm just hoping that she cheers up a little bit when we get out and do stuff. she perked up when she opened the gifts i brought -- cherry and pansy jams, saskatoon berry topping, mini canadian chocolate bars. and she seemed happier once she unloaded. maybe that's the whole deal. maybe she'll be better in the morning when she's well-rested…