cold outside, cold inside

so the knots are back. and yes, they're on both sides. and i think the massage actually made them much worse.

got my homemade heating pad (a sock full of white rice heated in the microwave) on the right side. it's not helping. i may need another massage or just a day off...

i'm coming down with a cold. i can feel it in my achy body and itchy throat. everyone i know seems to be sick. my head has hurt all day long. ears are stuffy. i have a feeling tomorrow i might wake up and feel like a bag of dirt.

the weather's not helping. it's freezing here. and i won't be too surprised if i see frost on the ground in the morning. that's how cold it is. windy too.

went to dinner tonight with a friend even though i felt so crappy. she felt crappy too so we enjoyed a nice pasta dinner and chatted. it was very relaxing -- no cooking. no dishes. i wasn't really that hungry so i have a nice dinner for tomorrow night too.

i wish i didn't feel bad. but i've been trying to drink a lot of water and flush whatever's wrong out of my system. it isn't working.

knotty girl

it's back. my perpetually tense right shoulder. it's been gone for a good long while – ok, only since my last work-sanctioned and paid for massage.

it just kills me that advertising, a profession of chronically stressed-out folk who tend to abuse themselves in all manners – chemical, athletic, emotional, etc. – provides such an enlightened benefit to counteract the damage its minions inflict upon themselves. what's sad is that so few take any sort of advantage of this tax-free benefit. i think i am the massage therapist's only "regular".

i'd be more regular if i could be. we don't even have to leave the office. take off our clothes. do anything. my only regret is that these are 20 minute mini sessions. i could easily take a full hour of bliss. last time, i was such a knotty girl that just lying on the table, not thinking, not doing anything at all was relaxing. the pounding i took from the therapist helped something i'm sure, but he said, "i'm not sure that you'll really feel any different."

he was wrong. i felt like i pulled a fast one: i cheated the company by taking a 30 minute break and not working. ha! take that timesheet program!

although i claim the right shoulder is the only one that causes me pain, i am actually wrong. the massage therapist points out at every session that both shoulders are affected. the left is perhaps even worse, yet it doesn't really affect me. oh well. he'll be earning his fee tomorrow that's for sure. and he'll remind me to do my stretches, even though i have been doing them, not just when the knot shows up.

and i think i'm catching a cold. the change in the seasons or perhaps just the fact that everyone in the office is slightly run down from a summer spent toiling long hours has increased the petri dish-like germ breeding. sneezing. coughing. voice losing.

imagine if advertising was a profession where everyone had children in day care (surprise, the ruthlessly youth-oriented culture is almost anti-breeder, unless of course you reach a senior level) – it would be way worse.

so i spent yet another evening on the couch, the bulldog at my feet with a scratchy gunky throat. i read another magazine. ironically this month's O was about aging, a popular obsession with most of my friends from the yummy mummy who is on the edge of 30 to the successful single guy who as he gets closer to 40 only sees what's missing (wife, kids, house) rather than his achievements. i'll have to spend some more time with the issue, but i know i'm just as guilty as my friends about the age obsession.

yet, i wouldn't trade 36 to be 26 again. true, i was thinner, my hair was less gray. but was i happier? sure, i was on the verge of being a newlywed (so i was super-stressed) but i was definitely not as happy in my own skin. when i look in the mirror today, i feel better about who i am. or at least more sure about the chick looking back at me.

i've worked hard to get to the place i'm at with my career. i am blessed with a happy marriage. i have a snorting, snoring, farting, barfing bulldog who wags her tail when i come home. i have a nice comfy house to live in. i've worked hard to try to put the past behind me and mend bridges with my parents. i try to be a good friend, a mentor, a generally nice person (ok, not when i'm pmsing) and a buddha behind the wheel even when i get cut off.

in short (and i am short), i am pretty lucky. now if i could just get rid of this knot....

catching up - where did september go?

it's been a crazy september. i just looked at the calendar today theni realized that september's almost over.

where did a whole month go?

since labour day, life's been hectic. work hasn't been so bad compared to how it was all summer, but the husband and i have had a lot going on during the weekends and even week nights.

-the husband and i did a 50K bike ride for the MS society one sunday.
-we had a party for the husband's work colleagues one thursday.
-i went to a baby shower for pretty much an entire sunday. -this past saturday, i had a girls night in party for my overworked, ultra-stressed girlfriends, complete with loot bags.

it's been a good month, don't get me wrong. i feel like i've gained back a lot of my time/sanity and gotten a lot of the things i want to do done. i've done a bunch of little crafty things -- including make a framed print for a friend's wedding.

i even started cooking again! i made cranberry-orange jam on sunday night and tonight i'm going to make lentil soup and muffins. on the weekend, i'll probably do a bunch of cooking. maybe i'll even make some more jars of salsa or another kind of jam. how martha of me -- but that kind of stuff makes nice gifts and gives you a little taste of summer in the worst part of winter.

although i haven't been writing much outside of work, i've been doing a lot of reading. i've caught up on my magazines. i've read a whole book and 1/2 of another. i've planned a weekend trip to boston -- and read the entire guidebook.

and i've started running again. although not this week yet. feeling a bit under the weather. but i start my women only running class in mid-october. it will be a great excuse to leave the office at a reasonable hour.

i've had some good news, but it's premature to discuss at the moment. it's given me a little lift and i've been working hard to change my perspective and be more positive even when i'm stressed. i hope i can rise to all of my new challenges and still keep up with all the stuff i want to do.

labourless day

actually, i've done a lot, albeit stuff i want to do. friday i was off (finally!) so i shopped like a mad woman gathering stuff for the weekend, canning and a BBQ. i baked for the first time in months. and the husband and i went to a couples cooking class.

the cooking class was fun but with all of our cookbooks, cooking show watching and love of kitchen gadgets, it was no challenge. the paella we make is actually a lot better! still the leftovers made a good cold breakfast when we woke up late on saturday.

shopped, did errands, laundy, the usual saturday stuff. the husband napped while i organized everything for the party. went for a run for the first time in about 2 weeks.

saturday i finally felt good -- for the first time in weeks. i stopped feeling stressed about work. maybe i just stopped caring. all i know is i really needed the long weekend. and i really needed not to be too overprogrammed. i am very glad we didn't go away and we could spend time at home.

we had a great BBQ on saturday night that lasted until after 2 am -- good thing the neighbours didn't care. with all the beer that people brought, we could open our own beer store. not too many leftovers even though two of the guests just didn't show up. weird. but fine. tried to play matchmaker for two friends -- only time will tell if it was successful. she's definitely interested. haven't talked to him, but we'll have plenty of time to chat about it tuesday since we have a meeting that's an hour away from the office. he's a shy guy so she said it was hard to get a read whether or not he was interested. i'll get to the bottom of it.

couldn't sleep in sunday am despite going to bed after 2. woke up @ 7, fixed the scarf i stopped knitting at the beginning of summer and started it up again. started reading anthony bourdain's a cook's tour until the husand and bulldog finally got out of bed.

sunday afternoon i made peach jam (a lot of work for very little yield) and the husband and i made a ton of salsa yesterday. depending on how today goes (we are going biking), i may make one more jam (cranberry) but i also may do it later in the month since the fruit is frozen. i have a bit of work to do, but i am definitely not feeling like doing it. more reading, knitting and relaxing i say. oh and we're going on a big bike ride since next weekend we're riding 50 km, something i've never done. i can just feel the reprecussions of that next monday...

in any case, this week should be pretty good. work seems manageable. the husband is having a BBQ for his coworkers on thursday. time to take back life and have a better time. "if you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun" said katherine hepburn. maybe this week should be more about healthy anarchy and fun chaos.